The Big Ol' Irritating and Bushy Beard
A big brown beard grew on a 37 year old man's face. This beard grew to be 7 inches in length. The bearded man's name is Bob. Bob was the under boss to Larry at a banking firm. Larry never liked Bob's beard, but he dealt with it. He have at times jokingly stated that he would cut Bob's beard off one of these days, but jokes like this travels the office quite frequently.
Now, Bob is known for keeping his beard clean, neat, well groomed, oiled and nicely scented. Everyone always compliments Bob on how great he keeps his beard! One day bob woke up with a little itch and a little pain on his face. He was a little confused at this feeling because, well, his beard is full and long so the idea of new hairs coming through isn't possible, so this wasn't an ingrown hair issue. The only other thought is that a bug bit him on the face. Bob immediately goes into the bathroom, look in the mirror and where the itchy and hurting feeling exist, there isn't a sign of a bug bite, no pimple, no rash, nothing but smooth manly skin. Bob is confused. Maybe its a bacteria infection that's starting to form, well, Bob, get's the proper nourishment, he isn't using any steroids, no change of soaps or lotions, same lotion and soap he has been using for 5 years, there is no change in laundry detergents, so what is the problem? He is concerned so he calls his doctor.
The dermatologist runs studies on the skin and beard and comes up empty, there is no sign of any irritation with the skin that the doctor can see, he even ran a CBC on his blood, nothing. Bob is absolutely disturbed because he is in pain and his face itches and there is no diagnosis. The dermatologist prescribed to Bob a 7 day prescription of Prednisone just to treat the feeling.
The next day Bob woke up and his face itched and burned even more. He also had a bad dream of a laughing beard terrorizing the town by making their faces itch like crazy, just like his and they couldn't stop scratching and feeling the pains of burning. He gets up out the bed feeling very unusual and was considering calling in from work, but Bob is a trooper, he is not gonna let this baby issue stop him from going in to work. He takes his Prednisone and goes in to work.
As he works, his beard itches and hurts even more and yes, he scratches and grimaces in pain. Later, his boss (Larry) comes over and tells Bob that his beard is turning blue, "BLUE"! Bob yells in surprisement. He immediately gets up and goes into the bathroom and was totally shocked when he saw the condition of his beard. It was completely and neatly blue on his left side as if he intentionally dyed his beard with the skills of his hands. Trying to explain this to Larry would be nearly impossible, but he told it to him exactly how it happened, "It just happened as I was sitting here, I guess, because it wasn't blue when I got here this morning. Bob's colleagues comes over and immediately clowns him, stating that "this isn't like you Bob", what the heck is Bob's problem, "Bob looks like a clown", From the left, Bob looks like the captain of the ship", "Bob looks like he's transforming into a pirate"! "ENOUGH", Larry screams! He then tells bob to go home and come back fresh to work in the morning. He goes home and dyes his beard back brown.
Bob wakes up the next morning and his face feels like it was stung by a swarm of bees and wasps, an even worse condition then it was in yesterday. He goes into the bathroom, to the mirror and carefully looks at his beard. Now, it is not only blue on the left side, but it is white in the middle and red on the left side. A voice talks to Bob and says, "You look very patriotic".
Bob looks around and around and around to find out where the voice came from and he couldn't discover the location. The voice talks again, "Down here you patriotic buffoon". He looks down, still, nothing. "Right here"! He looks in the mirror and his beard has lips. The beard says, "I did this to you" and laughs evilly. "You did this to me"? Bob says. "Yes, I did this to you"! says the big ol' irritating and bushy beard. "But why?" says Bob. The big ol' irritating and bushy beard lifts up and looks Bob in his eyes and says, "Because I not a fan of the bear balm you've been using, I prefer Tom Ford"! he then proceeds into saying, "either you use Tom Ford or cut me off". Bob says, "I can't afford Tom Ford"! The beard jumps in the cabinet, gets the clippers and zooms the beard off of Tom's face and says, "You can't afford me either"! The beard falls tho the floor and dies. Bob is standing in his bathroom, dumbfounded. The sound of a commercial enters the bathroom saying, "If you need more customers and more sales to increase the size of your wallet, visit, the blog of Handymancopywriter.com!
The End
Now, Bob is known for keeping his beard clean, neat, well groomed, oiled and nicely scented. Everyone always compliments Bob on how great he keeps his beard! One day bob woke up with a little itch and a little pain on his face. He was a little confused at this feeling because, well, his beard is full and long so the idea of new hairs coming through isn't possible, so this wasn't an ingrown hair issue. The only other thought is that a bug bit him on the face. Bob immediately goes into the bathroom, look in the mirror and where the itchy and hurting feeling exist, there isn't a sign of a bug bite, no pimple, no rash, nothing but smooth manly skin. Bob is confused. Maybe its a bacteria infection that's starting to form, well, Bob, get's the proper nourishment, he isn't using any steroids, no change of soaps or lotions, same lotion and soap he has been using for 5 years, there is no change in laundry detergents, so what is the problem? He is concerned so he calls his doctor.
The dermatologist runs studies on the skin and beard and comes up empty, there is no sign of any irritation with the skin that the doctor can see, he even ran a CBC on his blood, nothing. Bob is absolutely disturbed because he is in pain and his face itches and there is no diagnosis. The dermatologist prescribed to Bob a 7 day prescription of Prednisone just to treat the feeling.
The next day Bob woke up and his face itched and burned even more. He also had a bad dream of a laughing beard terrorizing the town by making their faces itch like crazy, just like his and they couldn't stop scratching and feeling the pains of burning. He gets up out the bed feeling very unusual and was considering calling in from work, but Bob is a trooper, he is not gonna let this baby issue stop him from going in to work. He takes his Prednisone and goes in to work.
As he works, his beard itches and hurts even more and yes, he scratches and grimaces in pain. Later, his boss (Larry) comes over and tells Bob that his beard is turning blue, "BLUE"! Bob yells in surprisement. He immediately gets up and goes into the bathroom and was totally shocked when he saw the condition of his beard. It was completely and neatly blue on his left side as if he intentionally dyed his beard with the skills of his hands. Trying to explain this to Larry would be nearly impossible, but he told it to him exactly how it happened, "It just happened as I was sitting here, I guess, because it wasn't blue when I got here this morning. Bob's colleagues comes over and immediately clowns him, stating that "this isn't like you Bob", what the heck is Bob's problem, "Bob looks like a clown", From the left, Bob looks like the captain of the ship", "Bob looks like he's transforming into a pirate"! "ENOUGH", Larry screams! He then tells bob to go home and come back fresh to work in the morning. He goes home and dyes his beard back brown.
Bob wakes up the next morning and his face feels like it was stung by a swarm of bees and wasps, an even worse condition then it was in yesterday. He goes into the bathroom, to the mirror and carefully looks at his beard. Now, it is not only blue on the left side, but it is white in the middle and red on the left side. A voice talks to Bob and says, "You look very patriotic".
Bob looks around and around and around to find out where the voice came from and he couldn't discover the location. The voice talks again, "Down here you patriotic buffoon". He looks down, still, nothing. "Right here"! He looks in the mirror and his beard has lips. The beard says, "I did this to you" and laughs evilly. "You did this to me"? Bob says. "Yes, I did this to you"! says the big ol' irritating and bushy beard. "But why?" says Bob. The big ol' irritating and bushy beard lifts up and looks Bob in his eyes and says, "Because I not a fan of the bear balm you've been using, I prefer Tom Ford"! he then proceeds into saying, "either you use Tom Ford or cut me off". Bob says, "I can't afford Tom Ford"! The beard jumps in the cabinet, gets the clippers and zooms the beard off of Tom's face and says, "You can't afford me either"! The beard falls tho the floor and dies. Bob is standing in his bathroom, dumbfounded. The sound of a commercial enters the bathroom saying, "If you need more customers and more sales to increase the size of your wallet, visit, the blog of Handymancopywriter.com!
The End
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